Sometimes when I’m in a cafe or library, i like to focus my attention away from my phone or the computer in front of me and look around – take in my surroundings.

I see a young couple holding hands, talking intently while staring into each others eyes(get a room!)

A young oriental girl surrounded by paperwork and books, could i assume she’s a student? perhaps studying aboard? why work so hard?

Another girl casually browsing Facebook on the Computer – being productive i see…

It’s just a small habit i do when i like to take a break from myself and see what’s happening in this world.

Sometimes we get so deeply involved in our dramas and activities of our own lives that we forget that there is a world outside of us. Everyone else just getting on and doing their own thing. This fascinates me to no end, i get curious about what people are doing and thinking, are they struggling just as hard as myself? what is their story?

It is quite clear that some people have it harder than us, and i don’t look down on those people because everyone goes through hard times. I can remember moments in my life when i was hitting rock bottom, and knowing that we will be facing inevitable ups and downs in our lives, that makes me appreciate my life even more.

Thank you for reading

In my previous blog, I mentioned that me travelling to foreign places constantly puts me outside my comfort zone – always having to adapt and stay sharp to my surroundings.

Coming back from Dubai, i find myself  in a different kind of discomfort; having no secure job, no secure source of income and taking on the challenges of starting a business and writing.

A while back, I was in a battle against mediocrity – against having a job which i attended day in and day out while having that fear of losing my job.

Since winning that battle, i have opened myself up to new opposition; opposition to fulfill my ambition, to find balance to my new lifestyle and most importantly, the battle against myself…

By nature, I’ve realized that I’m lazy, procrastinate constantly and have a lack of discipline…
It’s hard for me to say this as I would expect better from myself… But becoming jobless has exposed a weakness in me I’ve never fully being conscious of. It frustrates me to the core because everyday I think of what I like to achieve, yet i, myself, hold me back.

It would be so comfortable just to get a job again(wouldn’t be hard), but should I go back?

My family question my life decision, they want me to stay in a job and get a better income so would anyone blame me?

I just don’t like this feeling I’m having right now.
I wake up every morning and the world is my oyster. But maybe the world is too much – my shell was really comfortable to stay in. It was warm, i didn’t do much thinking and it was extremely easy. However would I be throwing away an opportunity to learn something valuable if I just gave up now?

These are the thoughts running through my mind at 3 am.
I usually sleep very well and the only time I sleep late is when I have a lot only mind, and i have A LOT on my mind tonight.

Doubts, hesitation, frustration, problems after problems…

And yet in my heart, despite the woes and the uphill battle, i remain optimistic, i just have to remind myself  constantly of why I’m doing this.

I doing it for love… I love my family, and i want to work harder for them so they won’t have to suffer in the future.

I do it for my freedom, so I can travel the world and follow my own dreams.

I do it because my heart tells me it is the right thing to do, even if logic goes against it.

Reality of any dream is always difficult and requires hard work – I will continue on with this feeling of discomfort regardless because with any negative feelings, it will ease away. And it would ease away because I’ve gotten stronger, wiser and I persevered through this experience … That is what I believe.

Thank you for reading.

“We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us”.

As a young child, I had two ambitions; one was to be a gardener, the other was to be an adventurer.

The gardener dream came about because my mother loved gardens and flowers, and i decided to become a gardener out of my love for her – because I thought she be happy.

To be adventurer though… I’ve always loved traveling, exploring new things and going on journeys and long hikes. Even as a child, whenever we would go someone new, I would always have the urge to escape my family and wonder off around the area, scoping, climbing, and just losing my way around for hours hoping to catch or see something amazing.

As I’ve gotten older though, i stopped travelling because society and expectations got in the way, I got a job and I got focused on money and paying bills. I developed a fear of losing my job so I worked harder and committed more time to the cause but that only served to make it harder for me to leave.
Only recently however, I took a risk with my life and decided to refocus my attention into my childhood and adult ambitions.

I’ve traveled to 5 different countries since the start of this year and during this journey, i have observed and learnt so many things; the way the people of this world live, their attitudes, expectations, their belief, religion and their understanding of how the world works.

Even now on the beaches of the dubai marina, I contemplate my experience here and imagine how this country was so different a decade or two ago. The poeple involved, their spirit and committed determination to make dubai a city of prosperity and pride for the Arab nation.

Every new experience has the potential to teach us something about life, for better and for riches, if only we would open our hearts to it, our lives would be filled with humble appreciation.

As an adventurer, I am able to appreciate everything I see and everyone I meet, because everything is a new experience for me.

Always outside my comfort zone, occasionally embarrassing myself and never forgetting that this is my childhood dream, my life long ambition – this is MY dream.

Thank you for reading.

So yesterday was my last day of work. I didn’t have to quit, I loved the job and everyone there was super cool and friendly. But my heart wanted to leave, my life isn’t destined to stay in a call centre. I hope everyone else there finds what they want in life and take the step forward to achieve it. I wish them all the best.

However moving forward, I have a short holiday dubai in two weeks so for now, I’m gonna get my balance back – gym, writing and meditation.
My old business partner is back so I have so many projects to take on to compensate for having no job/income.

I have a new girlfriend but it is a long distance one. I always make time for her and see her two or three times a month. I’m not sure where things are going but she tries to make the best of things when we’re together and I really have strong feelings for her, I appreciate her so much and do anything for her. Sometimes I wonder about the word love and it’s true meaning…maybe I meditate on it.

Thank you for reading.

There will be times when nothing seems to be going your way, when everyone seems to be against you and the world appears to have abandoned you. Whether it is a goal you’re trying to achieve, a trouble in your life or just one of those days. It’s very easy to feel victimized, helpless, alone and to eventually give up. I know because I’ve been there myself. And having experienced this multiple times in my life,  I’ve realized that these downward spirals are going to happen, and they will continue to happen for the rest of your life.

Why?

Because that is life. A roller coaster of good times and bad times.

So what do we do and how do we endure and overcome them to reach that light at the end of the tunnel?

1. Appreciate and learn from your experience.

I’m a stronger and wiser person only because of every bad period in my life. I took the time in those moments to learn about why they have happened, to appreciate what and who I have around me and be grateful for that. No one wants bad things to happen to us, but they teach us so much about life. – If only we would accept them into our hearts and make the best of them.

2. Good times are coming

If life is a roller coaster of ups and downs, then the good times are coming. Please always remember this, It is so important that you understand that the pain or helplessness you feel right now will not last forever. It will go away and you will see the sun again above the clouds. Just don’t lose to the storm…

3. To never give up

No matter what’s happens – good or bad, please remember that there is always someone beside you, and that person is yourself. The one person who genuinely cares about you, aspires for your happiness and success and believes in you. So yes, even if the world gives up on you, abandons you or even appears to have forgotten about you.

Never give up on yourself, never abandon your free will and always remember who you are. It will be your greatest ally in overcoming any difficulty in life.

Thank you for reading.

Hello mother :)

As i watch you scurrying around in the kitchen preparing food and boiling hot soup – the aroma completely engulfing the room, I can’t help but think about you, about how much i love you and ultimately, even the age of 24, how much i need you…

But not in the sense of you feeding me or cleaning my clothes, but more of how much you mean to me, my main source of love and contact on a daily basis because of everything you did for me.

Despite living under the same roof, our daily encounters involve me kissing you on the forehead, asking how your day was and sharing a story about our interactions with the world.

So these are my words to you, unspoken, honest and with the fullest love that i have can or will ever give to anybody, even my future wife.

You brought me up and raised me on your own, I’m sorry that dad left us while i was still a child, you loved him and I’m sure he loved you too, if only he didn’t have other commitments, then your life would’ve been different and you didn’t have to struggle the way you did. But i must say mum, you did beautifully. You raised me up on your own, despite me being such a difficult child; always crying and always getting hurt. you still took care of me and loved me. And i will never forget that for the rest of my life.

Some would say you didn’t teach me much about discipline, and as a result, i did many things on my own accord, maybe borderline rebel. I remember you scolding me about becoming a naughty child. looking back I do apologies for that mother, but the freedom you gave me allowed me to explore, to learn from my mistake the hard way and to have such a open mind about the world and how it works. Your gift of freedom to me allowed me to mature extremely quick and that helped me significantly in becoming the man of the house when there was no real “man” around.

Your a soft and kind mother and its impossible for me to imagine you as being a violent one. That is the lesson you taught me from being around you. Humanity, compassion and infinite love for all beings. When i get angry at something or someone, you would bring to my attention their point of view, their suffering and how we should be more kinder to them. You always moved my heart with your words and i would carry them with me forever.

And then you met a another man, you sought happiness and stability, but all he did was hurt you and cause you more misery.  what’s more, no one helped us, no one cared and it took many years for us to over come this.

Due to unfortunate events, he left us, but out of that sadness gave birth to your son, my brother: amazing, wise and talented, i expect great things from him but as of  right now, I’m happy to be part of his life, watching him grow up,  giving him wisdom, laughter and so much love.

Our life is stable now and I’m so happy and relieved to see you smiling, laughing and enjoying a simple life. I can tell that these are honest, genuine displays of happiness, not a mask for you to hide your misery like you used to.

If there is one thing that may affect our relationship, that would be the entrance of another women in my life. You are a traditional mother and culturally, you care about what other people think about you. I’m highly sensitive to this, and i accept this side of you. That makes my life difficult because I’m not sure i who i would end up with in the future, and i can’t guarantee that she be an oriental girl. I have dated girls from many other cultures and you have shown your displeasure to this and that has made our interactions in the past difficult, but i will follow my heart, I’m fall in love based on how that girl is and makes me feel, and then i think about the race and culture second. Maybe i meet a girl who is oriental and can make me laugh and smile too, but if another girl who doesn’t meet your requirements beats her to it, I won’t turn her down.

Regardless of what happens, please know this mother: my journey to discover happiness is separate from my love for you. You will always be my first women, mums are forever after all and i will consider how she will treat you too. Typically, oriental girls hate step mums anyways! You don’t want that do you? :)

I know your thoughts occasionally turn to the future of me and my brother and how we will cope and survive this world when you are gone. But i want to assure you mum… please don’t worry, please don’t fret and don’t go through anymore hardship for the sake of our future. The fact that you still do these things reminds of how much of a great and amazing mother you are.

But in me, you have a raised a capable, creative and hard working son. One who can take on responsibility and endure suffering the same way you did. Its time you passed on that baton to me, even though i know you’ll never let it go :)

As I’m sitting here in tears typing this. I looking forward to spending another 30/40 with you in my life, i want to speak to you, hug you, make you laugh and remind you everyday of how thankful i am from day 1 of me. My desire to achieve the things will make you proud, and i will make you proud of me no matter what!

If i had to sum up this letter with one word it would be Thank you