Hello mother :)
As i watch you scurrying around in the kitchen preparing food and boiling hot soup – the aroma completely engulfing the room, I can’t help but think about you, about how much i love you and ultimately, even the age of 24, how much i need you…
But not in the sense of you feeding me or cleaning my clothes, but more of how much you mean to me, my main source of love and contact on a daily basis because of everything you did for me.
Despite living under the same roof, our daily encounters involve me kissing you on the forehead, asking how your day was and sharing a story about our interactions with the world.
So these are my words to you, unspoken, honest and with the fullest love that i have can or will ever give to anybody, even my future wife.
You brought me up and raised me on your own, I’m sorry that dad left us while i was still a child, you loved him and I’m sure he loved you too, if only he didn’t have other commitments, then your life would’ve been different and you didn’t have to struggle the way you did. But i must say mum, you did beautifully. You raised me up on your own, despite me being such a difficult child; always crying and always getting hurt. you still took care of me and loved me. And i will never forget that for the rest of my life.
Some would say you didn’t teach me much about discipline, and as a result, i did many things on my own accord, maybe borderline rebel. I remember you scolding me about becoming a naughty child. looking back I do apologies for that mother, but the freedom you gave me allowed me to explore, to learn from my mistake the hard way and to have such a open mind about the world and how it works. Your gift of freedom to me allowed me to mature extremely quick and that helped me significantly in becoming the man of the house when there was no real “man” around.
Your a soft and kind mother and its impossible for me to imagine you as being a violent one. That is the lesson you taught me from being around you. Humanity, compassion and infinite love for all beings. When i get angry at something or someone, you would bring to my attention their point of view, their suffering and how we should be more kinder to them. You always moved my heart with your words and i would carry them with me forever.
And then you met a another man, you sought happiness and stability, but all he did was hurt you and cause you more misery. what’s more, no one helped us, no one cared and it took many years for us to over come this.
Due to unfortunate events, he left us, but out of that sadness gave birth to your son, my brother: amazing, wise and talented, i expect great things from him but as of right now, I’m happy to be part of his life, watching him grow up, giving him wisdom, laughter and so much love.
Our life is stable now and I’m so happy and relieved to see you smiling, laughing and enjoying a simple life. I can tell that these are honest, genuine displays of happiness, not a mask for you to hide your misery like you used to.
If there is one thing that may affect our relationship, that would be the entrance of another women in my life. You are a traditional mother and culturally, you care about what other people think about you. I’m highly sensitive to this, and i accept this side of you. That makes my life difficult because I’m not sure i who i would end up with in the future, and i can’t guarantee that she be an oriental girl. I have dated girls from many other cultures and you have shown your displeasure to this and that has made our interactions in the past difficult, but i will follow my heart, I’m fall in love based on how that girl is and makes me feel, and then i think about the race and culture second. Maybe i meet a girl who is oriental and can make me laugh and smile too, but if another girl who doesn’t meet your requirements beats her to it, I won’t turn her down.
Regardless of what happens, please know this mother: my journey to discover happiness is separate from my love for you. You will always be my first women, mums are forever after all and i will consider how she will treat you too. Typically, oriental girls hate step mums anyways! You don’t want that do you? :)
I know your thoughts occasionally turn to the future of me and my brother and how we will cope and survive this world when you are gone. But i want to assure you mum… please don’t worry, please don’t fret and don’t go through anymore hardship for the sake of our future. The fact that you still do these things reminds of how much of a great and amazing mother you are.
But in me, you have a raised a capable, creative and hard working son. One who can take on responsibility and endure suffering the same way you did. Its time you passed on that baton to me, even though i know you’ll never let it go :)
As I’m sitting here in tears typing this. I looking forward to spending another 30/40 with you in my life, i want to speak to you, hug you, make you laugh and remind you everyday of how thankful i am from day 1 of me. My desire to achieve the things will make you proud, and i will make you proud of me no matter what!
If i had to sum up this letter with one word it would be Thank you