Hello mother :)

As i watch you scurrying around in the kitchen preparing food and boiling hot soup – the aroma completely engulfing the room, I can’t help but think about you, about how much i love you and ultimately, even the age of 24, how much i need you…

But not in the sense of you feeding me or cleaning my clothes, but more of how much you mean to me, my main source of love and contact on a daily basis because of everything you did for me.

Despite living under the same roof, our daily encounters involve me kissing you on the forehead, asking how your day was and sharing a story about our interactions with the world.

So these are my words to you, unspoken, honest and with the fullest love that i have can or will ever give to anybody, even my future wife.

You brought me up and raised me on your own, I’m sorry that dad left us while i was still a child, you loved him and I’m sure he loved you too, if only he didn’t have other commitments, then your life would’ve been different and you didn’t have to struggle the way you did. But i must say mum, you did beautifully. You raised me up on your own, despite me being such a difficult child; always crying and always getting hurt. you still took care of me and loved me. And i will never forget that for the rest of my life.

Some would say you didn’t teach me much about discipline, and as a result, i did many things on my own accord, maybe borderline rebel. I remember you scolding me about becoming a naughty child. looking back I do apologies for that mother, but the freedom you gave me allowed me to explore, to learn from my mistake the hard way and to have such a open mind about the world and how it works. Your gift of freedom to me allowed me to mature extremely quick and that helped me significantly in becoming the man of the house when there was no real “man” around.

Your a soft and kind mother and its impossible for me to imagine you as being a violent one. That is the lesson you taught me from being around you. Humanity, compassion and infinite love for all beings. When i get angry at something or someone, you would bring to my attention their point of view, their suffering and how we should be more kinder to them. You always moved my heart with your words and i would carry them with me forever.

And then you met a another man, you sought happiness and stability, but all he did was hurt you and cause you more misery.  what’s more, no one helped us, no one cared and it took many years for us to over come this.

Due to unfortunate events, he left us, but out of that sadness gave birth to your son, my brother: amazing, wise and talented, i expect great things from him but as of  right now, I’m happy to be part of his life, watching him grow up,  giving him wisdom, laughter and so much love.

Our life is stable now and I’m so happy and relieved to see you smiling, laughing and enjoying a simple life. I can tell that these are honest, genuine displays of happiness, not a mask for you to hide your misery like you used to.

If there is one thing that may affect our relationship, that would be the entrance of another women in my life. You are a traditional mother and culturally, you care about what other people think about you. I’m highly sensitive to this, and i accept this side of you. That makes my life difficult because I’m not sure i who i would end up with in the future, and i can’t guarantee that she be an oriental girl. I have dated girls from many other cultures and you have shown your displeasure to this and that has made our interactions in the past difficult, but i will follow my heart, I’m fall in love based on how that girl is and makes me feel, and then i think about the race and culture second. Maybe i meet a girl who is oriental and can make me laugh and smile too, but if another girl who doesn’t meet your requirements beats her to it, I won’t turn her down.

Regardless of what happens, please know this mother: my journey to discover happiness is separate from my love for you. You will always be my first women, mums are forever after all and i will consider how she will treat you too. Typically, oriental girls hate step mums anyways! You don’t want that do you? :)

I know your thoughts occasionally turn to the future of me and my brother and how we will cope and survive this world when you are gone. But i want to assure you mum… please don’t worry, please don’t fret and don’t go through anymore hardship for the sake of our future. The fact that you still do these things reminds of how much of a great and amazing mother you are.

But in me, you have a raised a capable, creative and hard working son. One who can take on responsibility and endure suffering the same way you did. Its time you passed on that baton to me, even though i know you’ll never let it go :)

As I’m sitting here in tears typing this. I looking forward to spending another 30/40 with you in my life, i want to speak to you, hug you, make you laugh and remind you everyday of how thankful i am from day 1 of me. My desire to achieve the things will make you proud, and i will make you proud of me no matter what!

If i had to sum up this letter with one word it would be Thank you

 

Hello all

So we are mid year from 2014 and I’ve just wanted to touch base on what has been going on this year so far.

In the beginning of this year, I’ve made a new years resolution with myself. I had it on my Facebook and it goes:

image

So let’s think take a look and review what elements of my vow I’ve broken and not broken so far:

I’m not too concerned about breaking promises to myself because that’s part of life. We should use it as a guide to inspire us and motivate us to forward as opposed to a promise under a knife.

Job: yeah I’ve gotten a job haha. All I can say is that I spent so much money on traveling from Sweden, Iceland, Vietnam and having an extended stay too.
It really ate into my bank account haha.

I have Paris, Japan and one more country left to go this year so I got a job short term to cover for my major expenses. So don’t worry, I’m not job orientated for the long run ;)

Goals and ambitions:
I finished writing my book so that’s a good! Just not sure if it will be published :( that puts my writing ambition at a stand still :(
But my heart and soul tells me that my life lies in writing so before I decide to throw it all away, I want to continue to read, write and take lessons in writing :)
My goal is still on going!

Relationship and friendship:
Pretty good here, I’ve recently gotten out of a stalkerish relationship so I’m just happy to have my freedom back. Once I’ve made my full recovery I will give you the full details!
I met this really nice girl and we’ve been talking for a month of two now. She’s really beautiful, innocent like and independent minded. Out of every girl I ever dated. I want to take this really slow and on her pace. I wana just enjoy my time with her.

So yea – 2013 is definitely much more different than 2014!
– No fear of losing job
– A potential relationship that provides me with potential love and space I need for me time
– Keeping on track and working on my future dreams
– Maintaining my spontaneous and child like side.
– Keeping myself healthy and fit as possible.

My focuses for the rest of this year are:
– Pushing my body to the limit for the sake of fitness!
– Prepare and plan for Japanese holiday and learn japanese ;)
– Find a entrepreneurial method to make money without sacrificing my time. I will find time ;)

Thank you for reading.

So my last post was regarding finding a balance to my work/life health.

And I have to say that it is going very well :)
My financial plans are going smoothly and I am on course to paying for the trip to japan in October.

My work is now easy and manageable and the work load is fairly easy.

I spend my weekends or free time with friends and family and i try to squeeze in a date or two when I can :)

I still do a lot of my reading and learning while I’m free and/or on the train

Gym is great and I’m getting a great work out with a good semi balanced diet.

Everything is going smoothly. I haven’t much complaint :)

I have been doing research to figure what my next reflective blog should be about and it should be ready soon.

Thank you guys for reading. Or no one for that matter haha

I’ve had certain plans this weekend.
Outrageous shopping at a major mall and also online. A list was created with everything I wanted, and the final element of my plan was waiting to get paid from my work place. Unfortunately, that didn’t work out. My work place failed to pay me…

There’s a saying in this country regarding work and pay and it goes “you should never mess with a guys money”. Make his life miserable at work and give him a lot of hassle but don’t mess with his paycheck…that is afterall why they go to work in the first place.

I thought that not getting paid would bother me, and that I would go on a campaign to get that money paid throughout the weekend. But no, just simple gym, friends and family time this weekend with some leisure game thrown in. I’ve  had a satisfying weekend. I sort out the pay next week and get double so it’s fine.

Shits going to be thrown at you all the time in life; late train, missed payment, no hot water. My opinion for when these things happen is to stay in the moment, focus on the solutions and award yourself by doing so. Bad stuff are going to go against you for the rest of your life so learn to live with it and don’t let it get to you!

Thanks for reading :).

The story of my life nowadays is trying to juggle and balance everything together. Sadly it is something i am failing at quite spectacularly.

Just a quick update, i got myself full time work in a insurance company, partly because of money and partly because I’ve been making horrible use of my free time. During my unemployed period, if i wasn’t reading or writing, i was watching TV, walking aimlessly or something else… i felt i was very unproductive, and so if that was the case, i might as well get paid for it.

So the first balance comes from juggling my work life with my ambitions, i still dream of becoming a great writer, and my main job is to not get complacent and subscribe to the”this is all life has to offer”

i am also focusing to make everyday interesting or useful because i don;t want to repeat what happened last time, when all i did was work and BOOM, a year has passed and i have no idea what happened or where my life went.

Things i would like to do are learning Japanese, going to the gym making an effort to learn or study something.

My last balance is my friends and family, i always make an effort to spend time with my family, and my friends but it is increasingly difficult with my friends as they want to play all night but i need to sleep.

Luckily i don’t have a girlfriend otherwise that would be another thing i have to juggle. I do get lonely sometimes, thoughts do turn to my time with my ex and the intimate things we did together…but i might have just been horny. So save the headache. If i did meet a girl though i would love to date again and move in with her, but lets not get ahead of myself.

The African girl i was previously dating. Well she wants a relationship and i was honest and told her i wasn’t looking for one, so we went our separate ways. That’s fine, i rather do that than lead someone on and get hurt. I’m not actively looking for anybody right now but i don’t mind some attention. life huh

Financially i am fine, money is coming in, i have savings and once my uncle returns, i expect he be wanting to take on projects which i will have to balance with my employment work. we shall see :)

Thank you for reading

“You must not under any pretense allow your mind to dwell on any thought that is not positive, constructive, optimistic, kind.
Read more at” – Emma Fox

There is no doubt what so ever that every single one of us at some point in our lives has perceived life to be a struggle; a uphill battle to achieve goals, regain balance and minimize stress.

It is the beautiful adventure of humans beings to be able to cope, manage and effectively overcome our struggles in the hope of a more better life. But there are times when things get tough…when the problem can be overwhelming, unbearable and we just want to shut out the world and lay in bed until forever.

Trust me, I’ve been there before, and i consider myself  an optimist! :)

I see life as a roller coaster of ups and downs and as i sit here thinking about the struggles in my life; where I’ve broken down and drove myself crazy. I also remember the good times; moments of bliss and happiness where i felt free and invincible.

Life will get tough, and for some people, it is always going to be a everyday story. But that battle doesn’t get easier with the amount of negativity going on around the world through the media, television, internet and even our friends and family!

Occasionally when I’m on a train or in a queuing up in a store to resolve an errand, i like to check in with my facebook and twitter account – see “whats happening”. And i notice of people complaining  whats going on in their lives:

“hate two face people, i wish they all die!”

“the cooker won’t start, i want to smash the thing in!”

“i hate *certain types of people with general description*, they make me sick”

” if you are into *this or that* then you are *cool or uncool*”

It seems that complaining rigorously or “ranting”  on social media nowadays seems to be a acceptable thing to do, surely the purpose or social media was connect people together and not to tell the world about your broken oven :S

Aside from all the negativity from your friends, i noticed you can now get  media news  and video feeds directly to your news feed   because you signed up to it or because one of your friends shared it. And to be honest, a lot of the things people share are general something negative too!

I hope i don’t sound like I’m complaining because that would be hypocritical :), it is merely an observation and i am noticing it a lot now.

Exposing yourself to negative surroundings, either on your phone or in the real world may not be significant on a single basis but constantly seeing, hearing and having to get invovled in negativity too much will definitely begin to wear you down and drain you mentally and spiritually.

If we are currently in a state where the world is giving us a headache, and everybody else is perpetuating that, it would take us much longer to get out of that downward cycle and getting happy again, it has happened to me on so many occasions!

So if you have been feeling down a lot lately, and your environment is not helping. Then I invite you to consider if you have any negative elements in your life. It could be friends, lover, family, social networks, newspaper, television and consider appropriate solutions or responses so that you don’t get attached or involved to their negativity.

Thank you for reading :)

 

 

 

 

what happens when a very important package you send goes missing, and add to that, you lost the tracking number?

I assume a normal person would call customer service, be told that they can’t do anything without the tracking and have to wait and hope they
their package would reach their destination.

Well not me…

For the last week, i can only describe myself as the hero in the movie “Taken”
except for the fighting, killing and substitute the girl been sold for slavery for a package :).

It has been an emotional week for i have done everything inside and outside of my capabilities and will power to find this package.

From researching postal systems, going through sleepless nights, mum harassing me 24/7, twitting and bribing people for info and to get into depots(works really well!). It has been a hard working yet fascinating week.

Eventually, the issue was escalated to the managing director(whom i spoke with directly) and FINALLYanother two days of sleepless worry, we found it!

Without my relentless intervention and deep insightful investigation, we would have lost that package forever, for you see, the package rolled under conveyor belt and was lost under the machine, no one would have been able to find it unless they started a full search which they did thanks to me :)

Everybody is happy now, we celebrated with cinema, junk food and a high end Chinese restaurant :).

This week, i developed a moving mountain mentality, motivated not from ambition, goals or passion but from a sense of urgency, a life or death situation to which i have never experienced before. It was painful to live day in and day out with the discomfort and uncertainly of weather you ever find the package or not, but i definitely learned a lot about my character and my weaknesses… i am a very weak person mentally in these kind of situations.

Great insight, a lot of options to evolve and better myself.

Thank you for reading!