In my previous blog, I mentioned that me travelling to foreign places constantly puts me outside my comfort zone – always having to adapt and stay sharp to my surroundings.
Coming back from Dubai, i find myself in a different kind of discomfort; having no secure job, no secure source of income and taking on the challenges of starting a business and writing.
A while back, I was in a battle against mediocrity – against having a job which i attended day in and day out while having that fear of losing my job.
Since winning that battle, i have opened myself up to new opposition; opposition to fulfill my ambition, to find balance to my new lifestyle and most importantly, the battle against myself…
By nature, I’ve realized that I’m lazy, procrastinate constantly and have a lack of discipline…
It’s hard for me to say this as I would expect better from myself… But becoming jobless has exposed a weakness in me I’ve never fully being conscious of. It frustrates me to the core because everyday I think of what I like to achieve, yet i, myself, hold me back.
It would be so comfortable just to get a job again(wouldn’t be hard), but should I go back?
My family question my life decision, they want me to stay in a job and get a better income so would anyone blame me?
I just don’t like this feeling I’m having right now.
I wake up every morning and the world is my oyster. But maybe the world is too much – my shell was really comfortable to stay in. It was warm, i didn’t do much thinking and it was extremely easy. However would I be throwing away an opportunity to learn something valuable if I just gave up now?
These are the thoughts running through my mind at 3 am.
I usually sleep very well and the only time I sleep late is when I have a lot only mind, and i have A LOT on my mind tonight.
Doubts, hesitation, frustration, problems after problems…
And yet in my heart, despite the woes and the uphill battle, i remain optimistic, i just have to remind myself constantly of why I’m doing this.
I doing it for love… I love my family, and i want to work harder for them so they won’t have to suffer in the future.
I do it for my freedom, so I can travel the world and follow my own dreams.
I do it because my heart tells me it is the right thing to do, even if logic goes against it.
Reality of any dream is always difficult and requires hard work – I will continue on with this feeling of discomfort regardless because with any negative feelings, it will ease away. And it would ease away because I’ve gotten stronger, wiser and I persevered through this experience … That is what I believe.
Thank you for reading.